Whether your partner doesn’t show up to a date, forgets about your birthday, or has no time for you at all, stop coming up with excuses of his busyness, tiredness or whatever it might be. He or she is just irresponsible and not attentive enough therefore is not worth your pain. There is no reason for you to fall a victim to the circumstances and accept someone treating you worth than you deserve.
As people meet and fall in love, they go on dates, get to know each other better, cannot live a day without being together. It seems, yes! here is the one I’ve been looking for all my life and he or she understands me like no one else. However, once they get married or start living together, all of a sudden some problems start arising. And, ironically enough, communication becomes one of top problems in long term relationships.
We all have stories we tell ourselves. Whether positive or negative, they affect our life without us even realizing it. Very often I hear – “Oh, there are just not enough good men out there!”, or “Or girls are mean and nagging” or “No one would ever love me, I am just not good enough” and so on. This might come from our history, life perception, or in worst case scenario – from our social circle’s opinions about us.
In youth I enjoyed writing letters to my family (while away at university), actually mostly to my grandma, or perhaps no one else wanted to read them. But it was a two way amusement, she used to send me long letters in response. My grandma always taught me the power of written words, the energy and positive feelings that reading brings. I liked her reading loud the letters from my grandpa to her when they were young. I was very pleased with love and tenderness they put in each word. It meant a lot to me and used to touch me to tears even though I knew little about love in that age. I remember dreaming about my future “prince”, and hoping that one day he would write me such letters, filling the words with the beauty of love just the same way as my grandpa did.
Mood is such a tricky thing to understand, and even harder so to control. There is no magic way of affecting it, let along instantly changing it to a positive state. Yet, some people seem to be always happy, while others spend most of their time mumbling and complaining with no particular reason. So, what’s the difference? And is it possible to decide what mood you want to be in in any particular moment in time. The answer is – yes, it is not only possible, but is relatively simple to achieve.
These days we start seeing Christmas lights way too early, most of them being set up in October. This is when it usually hits us, that the year is nearly ended and we begin working twice as hard to finish everything we were supposed to have done since January.
Then a couple of weeks later Christmas shopping offers begin. And this is where we lose ourselves… buying presents, house decorations, sweets for children and on and on… Some people even buy a Christmas tree a month ahead and store in the garage, only to have the best one and be the most prepared when the rush of last few festive days kicks in.
Heightened sexual appetites are not a problem for everyone...if one were to believe everything they read, you would think that people walk around all the time only thinking of sex in some way. While this might be true to an extent, that sex is never far from the mind, sometimes people need a helping hand to get in the mood.
With so many distractions in today’s modern world like smartphones, social media and other technologies, not forgetting increased work pressures, romance can wane a little.
That’s why it can be a nice idea to weave some aphrodisiacs into your diet and the diet of your partner and see what impact it has...you don’t have much to lose...and a lot of fun to gain!
Old stereotypes made us believe that making love is naturally easy, happens by itself and doesn’t involve too much thinking or talking. We assume that both partners are just supposed to know what to do when it comes to the moment, and then by some magic everybody becomes satisfied. Seriously? Is that what you experience in the bedroom? I wish it was that easy, but the truth is – it is not!
When it comes to romance, there is never enough of ideas and experiences to make it happen. That’s why Raff and I always look for something new to explore, something curious and entertaining at the same time. We love adventure, we love good food (like everybody else I guess) and we love being outdoors in the sunshine (whenever London weather allows :)). I thought I would share a few great ideas here on how to combine all those things together and enjoy fun time with each other.
We all have stories in our head and beliefs about who we are and why, what is true about us and what is not, what our fears and boundaries are, what the expectations of ourselves are. Some of it lies within our conscious mind, while a lot is hidden and programmed in our subconscious without us even being aware of it. Our subconscious is defined by years of history – childhood, teenage years, adulthood, through years every single event and behaviour of other people in our environment affect our being now. When we build families, we often don’t realise in what way our partner is going to influence our life and decisions, how he is going to shape our world, our truths about certain things and most importantly our own beliefs about ourselves. However, we cannot underestimate the value and impact of the loved person on our life. Believing in yourself is good, but it alone is not good enough when it comes to intimate relationship. Two people in love create a great symbiosis of shared beliefs, values, and views around themselves and this is where the true magic of loving connection lies, when self-esteem of each partner increases with the other’s support, love and care.
A lot has been said about the importance of emotional connection between the two people in love. It almost creates an invisible co-dependency. If your partner is in a bad mood or feeling low, it easily affects you without you even noticing and the same is true the other way around. Unfortunately a negative state often wins.
Do you often skip sex because you are either tired, not in the mood or busy with a million of other things? I guess this situation is familiar to many couples. Time became the most precious treasure of this century. More and more often it does not let us squeeze anything in our busy schedule, not talking about intimacy and true connection with our partners.
However, I believe – stress is over-exaggerated. In reality we got used to life in such a tempo at work, with children, with social activities and hobbies, so it seems we can clearly deal with it all if introduced to a bit of organization. But what about intimacy and love life? Why do we set it aside all the time and never seem to prioritize this indeed important area of our lives.
We often need to stretch ourselves to accept new ideas into our mind. As most of what we do is habitual and happens almost automatically – our reactions, behaviors and responses. In most cases we don’t stop and take time to think about our feelings as reactions to certain situations. We just assume that whatever our reaction it is right, and in a way it defines who we are now, based on our past experiences and observations.
1. River cruise. Not on the Thames as you would think. But on a canal. Very pleasing and exciting experience for water lovers. As the boat are relatively small and low-sited, you feel the connection with nature (just close enough J ) It is a nice place to cuddle and simply be silent and listen to each other’s heartbeat.
The cruises run from Camden Town or Paddington for 1 hours. Don’t miss it while it is still summer outside.
I like the scene in the movie “Couples retreat” when one of the couples talk to the therapist, they said “we are happy, meaning we are making it through (marriage)”. Even though it is a typical Hollywood comedy, it can teach us a lot about loving relationships. Making it through is not a bad way of handling a partnership, but is it happiness in abundance?
Seemly the same definitions uncover a completely different perspective at a closer look. Only a small gap differentiates the two, which in reality makes a huge impact on a marriage or partnership than it seems from the first sight.
A lot has been said about your partner meeting your needs in the relationship, how to chose the “right” partner, how to make sure he or she suits all your demands. But what about making the relationship lasting, how you can be sure that your partner would be the same tomorrow as he or she is today. Everyone changes, especially under the influence of another person, and with time relationship routine might look completely different to the one it was in the beginning. The idea though is, to make a change to the better rather than worse. Sadly, a common perception of marriage is that with time romance fades away and relationship becomes boring and tasteless. The truth is – it will happen… only if you let it to.
Often we become so overwhelmed by the flying tempo of life that we forget how caring and attentive we should be towards partners. Often it is hard to stay on top of your own life let along following what’s going on in our spouse’s life. It doesn’t make you a bad person if you forgot your partner had an important day at work, or was going on a business trip in couple of days. We are humans with our own moods and feelings, and it is not easy to keep up with everything, while still staying a loving and mindful partner.
Raff and I have always been of an opinion that life is there for joy and pleasure and not for stress and frustration. To be completely honest, Raff has lived by this principle all his life, but I have only learnt from him in the recent couple of years. Apparently, life appears to be much easier than I’d always imagined, and living in ”today” is not such a bad habit in the end. I am not saying we don’t care about the future, even the opposite – we plan more accurately than ever and make everything we want happen, while avoiding anxiety and fear of disappointment.
After a long day at work relaxing is more than in demand. Every now and then we need to reward ourselves with an indulging treatment. Taking hot tub is one of my favourites. Since I remember myself, I’ve always loved to spend an hour in a pleasantly warm water, drawing off tiredness and stresses of the past day. It helps dispel all worries and re-connect with your inner world, while also pampering your skin with softness.
Being an organized person, I rarely let any spontaneity in my life let along our family life. Usually all weekends are planned months in advance and it is even hard to squeeze a long Sunday sleep in. However, last weekend I was yet again reassured how nice it is to let go of any plans, appointments and rush, and do whatever I feel like in the current moment, depending on my mood, the weather outside or anything else affecting me right now. I might decide to do nothing at all if I wish so. What kind of freedom is that! No pressure, no obligations, no regrets! Loving it.