When we become involved in a relationship, we naturally change or adopt our behaviours to our partner’s ones. These might be small habits like eating take-away on Friday night or sleeping longer on Sunday, or more serious decisions like giving up smoking or learning new skill together. As relationship evolves partners exchange their behavioural attitudes and become more alike with time. Most of us would have seen on a friend example. He or she gets involved with someone and becomes a completely new person, acts differently, picks up new interests, often even dresses differently, and in many cases doesn’t spend as much time with “old friends” any more. This pattern may continue until you lose your friend to a new boyfriend or girlfriend. Most people don’t realise how and when they start living someone’s life and not their own any more. They fall under influence of their partners so easily giving up their own interests, ambitions and desires, and more importantly the right of being who they are. It continues to the point when they are not in charge of their own decisions anymore and follow the flow or life without acknowledging where it’s taking them.
Unconsciously vulnerable and insecure people become involved in so domineering type of relationship in search of protection and care, which they are not able to provide for themselves. They don’t realise how losing their power might turn up into a completely dysfunctional existence in dependence on other person.
If you are in such relationship, it is never too late to wake up and take back that control of your own life. Ask yourself:
- Why are you with this person?
- What are your feelings towards this person? You might be mistaken love with childish search of attention and protection.
- Does he or she play a role of your rescuer rather than an equal partner?
- Does is feel like she or he is always superior to you?
And I am not saying your partner cannot be better in certain ways than you are, but your attitude towards each other should remain as to equal persons willing to grow and learn from each other, rather than control and surpass one another. Therefore, the first and most important thing to do before becoming involved in any relationship is to understand yourself, what is it you need from life, what desires you want to satisfy and how your partner can complement you in this, but not replace all of this altogether. You should not be trying to run or to hide from your own life, filling in the empty space with another relationship. You should find your way of happiness and fulfilment while you are single and then enter in relationship that will make your life brighter, more intense and adventurous, rather than expecting someone to make you happy.