Let’s face it, we all love doing things our way, don’t we? Therefore, the more easy-going our partner is – the better. Well… it seems so only in the beginning. Then we start to realise that we want to have a strong personality next to us, someone who can stand on their opinion and not give in to anything we tell them to do. So, how to find the right balance in relationship and who is the “boss” after all!
The best way to resolve this conflict or to avoid it at first place is to agree the rules from the beginning. And I am not suggesting to do it at the first date, but if you’re moving in together with your partner – you might need to discuss this, just in case.
In relationship if you ask for anything – you should be prepared to give something back. Sounds pretty obvious, right? Yet so many couples disregard this wisdom. We expect our partners to enjoy the same things as we do. Of course, in reality it is not happening. After two years with my husband, he finally confessed he didn’t like going shopping with me! What an eye opener… and I thought I finally found a guy who if not likes, but at least tolerates shopping, and I almost wanted to marry him! :) Eventually we got married, as we set up a working arrangement for shopping (and a lot of other duties of daily life). When we go to a shopping mall, Raff simply finds himself a nice and quiet pub somewhere (luckily, there are plenty in London). And I jump into a crazy process we, women, can do almost forever. Works brilliantly, he gets his beer and facebook time or whatever he does on his phone. And I have a chance to buy the entire shopping mall and still be able to carry all the bags home. Depending on how much I actually bought, usually afterwards it is my turn for cooking dinner or proceed to other marriage obligations… not going into detail here :). But, you see what I mean. Of course, shopping is a very common example, and I would imagine most couples have some agreement in place for it. However, when it comes to longer-term commitment, like making one another going to the gym, go dancing together, or have her at your long boring business meetings. All of this can be and shall be talked through. Never say “never” as they say. Don’t refuse from anything you haven’t even tried yet. Make sure you both agree with this approach (maybe, worth doing it before marrying this person :) ) There is nothing better in the world than being able to share our passion with the loved ones and feel their support and acceptance. If dancing is how your partner likes to express himself or herself – let it be, give it a try. If it is definitely not your thing, then you can still enjoy your partner’s performance. If your boyfriend is into rock concerts (which you cannot stand), try to share this experience with him, at least in the beginning. Later in the marriage you can suggest him to go with his friends, for what he will love you even more :)
It all is about the right way of communication. As you go along the life with your chosen partner, you should learn to understand each other and listen with respect and involvement. You might be that last push they are looking for in realising their dreams and following their passions. They just need a sort of confirmation from you that you would support them in anything they chose to do.
Raff recently decided that he is interested in photography and talked about it for a while… :) But it was not until I bought a photography course for him as a gift, he got seriously involved in his hobby. In return, I have some free time for myself to work on my projects while he is busy taking photos :)
Also important, do not be ashamed to expect appreciation for what you do for your partners. If you make dinners for him, don’t be shy to remind him that some praise would nice to hear. Then they would remember they shouldn’t take anything for granted. It just doesn’t work this way in relationship. Again, it is all about taking and giving. There must be a balance here with both partners feeling equal and heard.