This common question often arises in long term relationships – how to maintain a desire, how to thrive in the intimate area over the years with the same partner.
Interestingly enough, desire is induced by a completely opposite feelings to the ones needed by love and marriage. On one hand, our relationships are driven by commitment. We value security and stability, while on another hand we are in constant search of adventure, novelty, mystery, risk and pleasure. Imagination and curiosity are following us at the blossom of the relationship, but then become replaced by need of assurance, reliance and certainty in our partners. In modern life partners put so much moral pressure on each other to meet plenty of social requirements, but yet stay interesting and desirable to one another at the same time. There is no expectancy of amazement and wonderment anymore and this is where the life risks to turn into a routine. And it is down to us to realise this and not let it happen.
As the relationship expert Esther Perel suggests, there is a pattern of reviving a desire in partners in the following situations:
1. When one of them is away. The imagination plays a beautiful game of anticipation of the future events on the partner’s return
2. When partners observe each other in a different environment, be it, out with friends or in at the corporate event or one delivering a speech. This is when they demonstrate their true personality, they manifest their confidence and radiance at most.
3. And finally when there is an element of surprise, novelty, unexpectedness. When they can laugh and perceive new experiences together
Sexual desire is not something that simply exists on its own, it needs a spark, it can be driven by a reminder of what it is that draw partners to each other at first place, what makes them intrigued and agitated. A good understanding of partner’s feeling in this regard is already a good place to start, that can be achieved via open communication and expectations sharing.
Remember, that emotional side of intimacy is no less important than the actual act. Explore your imagination deeper and don’t let commonality to consume your intimate power. All of us deserve a variegated sexual life!
Please follow this link to watch Esther’s full video about desire.